yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
