i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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