i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize