This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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