I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize