YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
