I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
