I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
