i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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