oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize