oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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