I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
