fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
