If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
