Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
