theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
