they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
