I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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