She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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