i already hear my dad disowning me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
