Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
