sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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