It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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