in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
