If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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