I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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