Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
