Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
