...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
