I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
