We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
