If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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