2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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