Me too!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How does one acquire holy water?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
