Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize