she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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