I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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