Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
