my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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