I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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