I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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