walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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