i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
