We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
