saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
