I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
where am i from again
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
