I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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