it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
