I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
