whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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