Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drunk is not a location!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
