Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
