So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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