The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
