I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
