girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
