I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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