you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
