Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
