your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
