I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize