If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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