I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
