It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
