I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
