i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
