Your dad touched me again.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
