Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
