no, he came in my armpit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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