I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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